Robert: (I'd better get her drunk.) Totally.
Hillary: Now "Casablanca," that's a good movie.
Robert: Do you have any tattoos?
Cut to:
Later that evening -- a romantic restaurant, over a bottle of wine. Robert: So, do you work out? (Maybe we could squeeze one in later?)
Hillary: (Does he think I'm fat?) I've organized a campus group that combines stretching exercises with rigorous policy discussion. I'm very proud of the work we've done.
Robert: Have you ever made out with your roommate?
Hillary: (Wait, maybe he thinks I'm hot!) Wouldn't you like to know?
Robert: Actually, not really. Let's order dinner, then discuss healthcare. This is, after all, a presidential summit.
Hillary: (Ugh, I knew it.) That's absolutely right! Ha ha ha ha! It's not like it's a date or anything.
Robert: Oh, God no.
Hillary: No, no way! (He thinks I'm ugly. I should have worn that other turtleneck.)
Cut to:
Later still -- a crowded nightclub, Hillary guzzles a fruity cocktail, Robert knocks back shots.
Robert: This place is awesome if you like to party. On Thursday nights, you can do tequila shots off the body of a half-naked girl.
Hillary: (I hate my thighs.) Cool!
Robert: So what are your plans for the future?
Hillary: I want to be president of the United States. Maybe also get through "Finnegan's Wake." I guess you'd say I'm a goal-oriented person.
Robert: Scorpio? (I wonder if my sheets are clean.)
Hillary: Guilty as charged! (Astrology? I'm gonna puke.)
Robert: I plan to work in the White House too. But before that I'll probably become a Rhodes scholar, attend Yale Law and teach at Harvard. But some friends and I are also thinking of forming a band called Vanilla Muffin Road Trip. I feel so confused sometimes.
Hillary: It's hard being a baby boomer. I was just writing a letter to a friend and I said, "I've gone through 3 1/2 metamorphoses and am beginning to feel as though there is a smorgasbord of personalities spread before me."
Robert: (Uh oh, craaazy alert!) That's really beautiful.
Hillary: (He's into me! And I'll never get grief again about not wearing heels.) I know it sounds pretty "Bell Jar." But it's where I'm at right now.
Robert: Listen, this isn't a date you know. Just so we're clear on that.
Hillary: I know, duh. (Am I drunk?)
Robert: I'm not looking for a relationship. Besides, I have a summit with the senior class president of Mount Holyoke next week. We're going to play miniature golf and do some beer bonging.
Hillary: (I'm drunk. Oh, God. Eleanor Roosevelt, where are you?) Your choices disappoint me. But, frankly, my tastes don't run to womanizing wonks.
Robert: (Does this mean she won't spot me a 20?) I'm sure you'll meet someone eventually.