A fan's notes about
conversations with Mitchell on art, politics and music.
December
9, 2006
IT'S ALMOST
ALWAYS a bad idea to meet your heroes. No matter what variety of
fan you are — there are two kinds: those who innocently hang
posters on the wall and those for whom the idol's life and work
has been permanently absorbed into the bloodstream — meeting
an object of devotion comes with a terrible risk. Having elevated
them to a level where there's barely any oxygen left, they have
no place to go but down.
So as tough
a spot as I was in last week, Joni Mitchell was in a tougher one.
When it comes to this legendary musician, I'm the kind of fan who
bristles at the word "fan." Her music is less an accompaniment
to my life than a sort of aesthetic nerve center. So when I found
myself en route to dinner with her Tuesday, I did what any rational
person would do: I set the bar very low.
In a stroke
of extraordinary luck, this turned out to be unnecessary. Under
a patio heat lamp at a quiet West Hollywood restaurant, Mitchell
and I had a long and animated conversation about art, music, poetry,
politics, insecurity, narcissism, boys, dogs, cats and other matters.
Then we hugged.
This has
made me very happy for the last five days. It also has made it
nearly impossible to write this column, which was not supposed
to be about my devotion to Joni Mitchell but about a new exhibit
of her artwork in L.A. (It's called "Green Flag Song," and
it's showing at the Lev Moross Gallery.)
She hadn't
wanted to do any publicity, which is why, like many people, I only
learned about the show when I noticed the banner hanging outside
the gallery on La Brea Avenue. I assumed it would be paintings — Mitchell
has long been a painter and attended art school before she began
her professional music career. But what I found when I walked into
the gallery were 60 large photographic triptychs.
Moross, the
gallery owner, explained the artwork to me: When Mitchell's television
set broke a while ago, it began emitting images that looked like
photographic negatives with a green tint. She took photos of the
screen, which resulted in dark, jarring, semiabstract images that
he enlarged and printed on canvas. He also said that they had many
arguments in the process, but she always turned out to be right.
Then he said he was having dinner with her soon and that I should
come (note to self: never, ever complain about being a newspaper
columnist again).
Poor Moross
was rendered speechless throughout much of the meal as I asked
Mitchell totally geeked-out questions about specific lines from "Mingus" (jazz,
1979, generally underappreciated by lesser fans.) Still, we managed
to talk quite a bit about the artwork, which Mitchell characterized
as "riding the cusp of photography, impressionism and expressionism."
She said
she had had little interest in publicly showing her paintings but
that the photographs were infused with political undertones that
somehow felt urgent. Though the images, if you look close, range
from shots from old movies to talk-show hosts to news coverage,
the overall effect has the whiff of brutality.
"The
theme of this show is 'war, revolution and torture,' " she
told me. "I was in such despair about the world's current
state of affairs that I didn't even know where to start. I was
taking a lot of landscape photos near my home in Canada. Then I
got back to L.A. and suddenly I had this magical TV set."
Mitchell
talked a lot about the photos — "my bedroom lamp is
reflected in a lot of them" — and about how she has
ideas for more exhibitions. Though she "retired" from
music several years ago, she's writing new songs. She said they
were hard in coming, that it's easy to doubt yourself.
Anyone who's
a fan of anyone can imagine the power of this kind of disclosure.
As much as we fear our heroes will disappoint us, it can be even
scarier when they don't.
When vulnerability
bleeds out over the sharp edges of fame, when our heroes appear
to like us even a fraction as much as we like them, we can find
ourselves paralyzed by the delusion that we are no longer a fan,
but a friend.
That's not
at all what Mitchell thought I'd be writing about. But if there's
anything I've learned from listening to her over the years, it's
that if you don't write from a place of excruciating candor, you've
written nothing. So as much as I hope people will go see her art
show, I had no choice but to work from my notes. They're a fan's
notes, and they're all true.